i guess this is goodbye.

hi, or goodbye from the title.

a little bit of myself, i was diagnosed with bipolar. the medicines are still on trial, well everything is. its gotten worse since day one as it consumed almost everything from my life. i decided to stop writing here since staring at a blank computer page isn't good for my eyes - or maybe not as often. hey, who knows? i made myself a journal to keep track of everything from the beginning till the end. i honestly don't know how to handle myself and each night waking up is just waking up from another nightmare to another nightmare.

waking up realising i can continue to an eternal sleep haunts me every time i opened my eyes. i swear to anyone who is up there, i want everything back. but no matter how loud i shout, racing with the thunders, they kept their mouth shut. i guess, i am not worthy to look. i'm trying my best to be on my medication but it just doesn't help. at times, i can walk freely but instantly fall down to the thought of how long this'll last. being happy is not my forte. writing, scribbles on notes is.

notes, yes. its a very poorly made since i don't have any and i just gotta wing it with whats there. to anyone who reads this, a little bit of my soul is there. a bit of the infamous misadventure of myself is there. i am not the type who cares to leave marks here, but its there for anyone to find, if in the end i lost myself. but i'm trying with my might for the better. progressing and fighting is what i do best. picking fights with the universe is my hobby. and here i am standing saying to you "come at me".


a good day and a goodbye from me.

a reminder for myself about loving and keeping my head low

as you have splinters on your fingers because of paper cuts
not because of trying to hurt yourself
you know she is the one

as you cry the night of feeling lonely
not because of the heartache
you know she is the one

as you sing and a face shows every rhythm hits
not just an earworm that bugs you
you know she is the one

as you are al night writing for one soul only
not for essays or paperwork
you know she is the one

as you are going places and it felt nostalgic
not because the place is nice
you know she is the one

as you are driving and missing someone to talk to
not just hearing people talk over the radio
you know she is the one

as you know you're alive
not wandering around
you know she is the life

things will get hard,
and i know you wrote on your whiteboard
a little reminder for yourself that this will all be payed
with the countless laughter and the night you'll end your day with

things will get hard,
and you'll feel you've been pushed over you limit
but know now, you are capable of doing things you never imagined doing
all the impossibilities you know are just another task you knew

things will get hard,
and you'll feel its the end of everything you know
but i'm reminding you it will be harder living life without the person
who thought you how yo be alive

i am here to remind you
to be grateful,
to be thankful,
to be enough,
to be tough.

things will get hard,
and i am here once more to remind you,
everything will pay off once you see her in person
all your efforts will soon be payed with a simple smile from her.