christmas night wasn't that merry for me

" you will have everything you desire but it will have a price."

a soul? life?

"no, regret."

i'm making a deal with you, his representative and you're talking to me. if i give up something, i receive something. i know how this works.

"go on. i know yours wont be selfish."

by now you should know, no souls matters to trade.

"behold, all souls are mine; the soul of the father as well as the soul of the son is mine: the soul who sins shall die."

i am never alive, you want something else. it is never easy talking to you.


"you're a smart one, i'm trading for regrets. for what awaits you then, you already know."


the future is never sure, for now leave me alone.


"are you sure?"


i am. go on, be gone. before that, i never catch your name. i couldn't care less how you find me.


"people who reads knows me as memphistopheles."


i have a feeling i'd meet you soon, after i talked to them.
but thank you, maybe next time i'll serve beside you again.
 

and by that, i was alone again. christmas did took an unexpected turn for me.

it was sugar and spice, but not everything was nice

he was 13 at the time
he wanted a playstation
so he wont feel that lonely

he was 14 at the time
he wanted new shoes
so he could run faster

he was 15 at the time
he wanted a new shirt
so people know its his day

he was 16 at the time
he wished to be happy
so he knows how to be grateful

he was 17 at the time
he wished for time of his own
so he knows he is loved

he was 18 at the time
he wished for hard liquor
so he can forget that day

he was 19 at the time
he wished to be remembered
so he knows that he's alive

he was 20 at the time
he wished to be okay
since none of he wanted ever came true

he is 21 today
he didn't wish anything
because he know it was just another day

happy birthday.

a reminder for myself about loving and keeping my head low

as you have splinters on your fingers because of paper cuts
not because of trying to hurt yourself
you know she is the one

as you cry the night of feeling lonely
not because of the heartache
you know she is the one

as you sing and a face shows every rhythm hits
not just an earworm that bugs you
you know she is the one

as you are al night writing for one soul only
not for essays or paperwork
you know she is the one

as you are going places and it felt nostalgic
not because the place is nice
you know she is the one

as you are driving and missing someone to talk to
not just hearing people talk over the radio
you know she is the one

as you know you're alive
not wandering around
you know she is the life

things will get hard,
and i know you wrote on your whiteboard
a little reminder for yourself that this will all be payed
with the countless laughter and the night you'll end your day with

things will get hard,
and you'll feel you've been pushed over you limit
but know now, you are capable of doing things you never imagined doing
all the impossibilities you know are just another task you knew

things will get hard,
and you'll feel its the end of everything you know
but i'm reminding you it will be harder living life without the person
who thought you how yo be alive

i am here to remind you
to be grateful,
to be thankful,
to be enough,
to be tough.

things will get hard,
and i am here once more to remind you,
everything will pay off once you see her in person
all your efforts will soon be payed with a simple smile from her.