its christmas, and it doesn't actually change much. i'm still the old me. there's nothing merry where i am, really, but maybe its just me being bitter. my chest still hurts and the sound in my head didn't go away. the only good thing is i finally accept that the voices are part of me after all this year. now i wont say much because i don't really have much to talk about, but i've been looking back and much has happened, all the bad things i'll leave behind and all the good things kept safe in my head.
lately, i've came into terms with my demons inside me, they've been behaving although at times they would go ape-shit on me. its fine, everything takes time. it will also take time to take the leash off of my neck. there will be bruises afterwards, but, time would heal the scars and the hole people left behind, and if it doesn't then its not the time yet. its a bad day, not a bad life i always said to myself.
but no matter what, my life is as dim as the lights tonight and in any second it would go off.
i should seek professional help, but at this point, telling whats inside my head to people would mean nothing. so this christmas i promised myself to write until i couldn't anymore. physically. when the day comes, no one should blame anyone, its just how things go.
its how i should go.
merry christmas, lads.
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